and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't think brook has ever known best
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
