It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
