weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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