On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
