sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
