some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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