she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
