there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
