At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
