Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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