i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
