In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
