remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
