chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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