I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
