I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
