just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
