So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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