I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
