"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
People in love make me want to vomit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
