Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
