Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
birth control should be required to get into college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
