whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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