New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize