you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
