Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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