He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
