It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
