When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
