so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
