I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
