you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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