If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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