If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
