So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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