my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
