Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All the doctor said was why
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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