Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
