Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
