My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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