You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
