why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
