I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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