Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
