Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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