Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
