Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
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Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.