She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?