i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?