Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.