11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does