I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.