i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
