Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
