I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
