If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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