if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
