So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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