Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
