Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The air was thick with penises
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
