I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
