i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
