sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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