I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
