Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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