yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
