I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
