shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
