I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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