It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
