you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
