he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All the doctor said was why
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
