ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
