maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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